What to do when Rocky doesn’t cut it?! Why did I lose my twin brother?

It’s a tough one this ‘self motivation’ and after leading home 15 years ago I find myself waning…

I think I’d be dead if I didn’t believe there was something good in the world, but most of the time now it feels like even something good, is only there because people want the PR…

Don’t get me wrong I’m not Jesus re-incarnate, nor do I think I am godly, still less do I expect people to bow before me or be irreverent to my ways, but when the default mechanism is to keep our mouth shut, in the hopes that we won’t offend, or possibly disturb everyone’s comfortable ‘status quo’ I find that really hard…

I never had that Micky on my shoulder, that Rocky had, teaching him, guiding him, telling him how to be true… I had to learn that, outside all the cock ups, along the way…

rocky and mick

I want to prove to myself and to the world that the social mechanic works, even with all the bullsh*t we see every day…

Why do the like of Trump or Phil Green have power? because they have money?! Certainly not because they’re good people deep inside…

And I genuinely feel like I’m a good person, a human, I don’t say the right thing all the time, that’s for sure; I don’t word my approach to certain subjects in the right way, that’s for sure… but a friend of mine, who’s been through some pretty hefts stuff of her own, said to me the other day, Thomas, sometimes is just OK to be a dick on occasion… the most important thing in life is that you’re not intentionally trying to be a dick…

Poignant words!

I do like animals, I do cry at The Notebook, and my favourite film is probably always going to be Robin Williams Hook, because of the feeling it gave me as a boy, that feeling of escape and freedom, that feeling I could fly if I just believe…

I still believe, it just doesn’t get me in the air the way it used to… a few blogs ago I was telling you I felt like I’d cured bipolar and now I see the reality. I guess that at least still means I’m ‘in the club’.

The problem with my life is that I spend so much time completely buggered in my mentality and longing for something that completed me, that I just racked up personal debt not knowing which way to turn and now that I’ve found what makes me happy, there’s no real time to enjoy it because it just feels like I’m trapped trying to put money in the top of a pot that’s got no bottom until such time as my bank says so…

Meanwhile trying to be dynamic, pay my staff and ensure that they’re in the zone, so the companies can thrive and we can keep ourselves current… very tricky business…

I love this programme the Secret Millionaire and the ones in america they do called Undercover Boss, and I want so much to be that guy, that just goes around finding peoples lives to change because he can, that supports them and guides them because they’re good people they just don’t have anyone that gives a sh*t about them… but are these people real… or does it only work through the magic of television where you get a bit of PR and the television company gives you some cash to doll out…? Who knows…

I dreamed for a long time of this happening to me, it didn’t… and the more I thought about it the more I thought about how hard I was pushing myself to be that guy, the guys who’s put their sharing and caring, regardless of a bloody camera on him or not, and I knew that even considering this, meant that I shouldn’t have the money because I was dreaming about someone saving me from drowning and really I just needed to teach myself to swim again…

But although I’m a qualified rescue diver and I’ve saved at least 3 lives that would not have been here necessarily if it was not for me in the water… I still feel like the guy who’s choking and grasping for the raft…

But what do you do when the Rocky theme is on repeat and it still just doesn’t cut it…?!

Well now that’s the question…

You’ve still got all the potential in the world, you’ve still got money coming in, but it’s provisioned for your debt or for those who have jobs, because you saved them from drowning first… but it never feels like enough and the worst bit is, that if you went to work for ‘the man’ and just took a job then you’d earn a bunch of money pushing someone else’s agenda, some pharmaceutical brands, or some technology and potentially stabilising yourself, but the thought of dropping the freedom you fought for, you bled for, you cried for and made yourself sick to evolve; the thought of relinquishing that so close to the end gain and so close to the abyss is just the worst feeling in the world…

Your new born son staring up at you, 7 weeks old, longing for you just to hold him, you longing just to make everything OK and longing to ensure that he never has to see the daddy of today, the one that can barely breathe…

I watch people of industry waste money every day… vanity trading the assets that could save lives or change something for the greater good and with no other thought in mind that to either pleasure themselves or that of a shareholder, and everyone’s doing it, but why…

My careers adviser at school was non existent… there was nothing to be hopeful for…

The teachers at the first school bullied me to the point I had to be pulled out, the 2nd school, a private school was still the most beautiful feeling I’ve ever had in life but after 2 years my parents split and we could only afford it momentarily because of a dead Aunty, so we left there and my emotional education went into the dirt…

I left home without a gap year, never found myself, got so messed up that I was thrown out of there without any support mechanism to fully understand me and I was so fast into working to earn to live to ensure I didn’t fall out of the societal whirlwind that before I knew it I was ruined by life and never knew which way was up… or even upbeat, which would have been a better end gain…

I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be so selfish, why should I expect people to help me or to care, if my twin brother weren’t dead and he was here today, would I have had to suffer the slings and arrows… Where are you..? I need you… I don’t even know you and I miss you… the jigsaw never did fit without your piece… I want to see your family, I want my son to know you… I want us just to be alone in silence together and know we’re finally whole… I will never feel that…

The reality is that I should be trying to motivate people through this blog but its a tough one recently…

So I turn to my beloved Robin, the surrogate father within the screen of life…

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman: ‘O me, o life of the questions of these recurring, of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities filled with the foolish. What good amid these, o me, o life?’ Answer: that you are here. That life exists, and identity. That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

CARPE DIEM!!

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Toxic Vibes… And once again finding myself on the wrong end of the spectrum…

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in these toxic situations…

For me, for a long time, that’s been irregular, and now it’s becoming almost a daily occurrence and it’s a very difficult tumor to shift…

Today i just can’t focus, my mind is all over the place, I’ve got a heart beat raging, a hot head, my adrenaline is up and down like a yo-yo and it’s all down to one individual with a toxic attitude towards everything they touch, or pass comment on…

As a guy with enough stigma to contend with I’m pretty used to kicking down walls and pushing boundaries, though i try not to make assumptions where possible, or judge people until I get the sense of who they are individually… Not one for hearsay until I’ve met someone and really understood their human element.

That in mind, I’d still say I can almost look at a person and how they act around others, gauge the nuances and shifts in their attitude that will tell me whether they’re good and kind, or whether there’s something self righteous or ugly in their personality, that I want to distance myself from…

Unfortunately I find myself in an inevitable scenario where I am trapped in a mechanism that breeds anxiety; off the back of someone’s ugliness I’m almost at point of migraine…. jelly legged and erratic in mind, just because the individual is invasive by nature and antagonistic in her approach to anything that upsets the sphere of self importance she’s shrouded herself in… the queen bee in the hive, but sucking the life out of the people in the periphery without a care or consideration… those souls of the surrounds, trapped in a sort of odd limbo…

I just can’t even finish to be honest… signing off for now… I’ve booked myself into a meeting room to avoid the energy, but it doesn’t help me deal with mine, for some reason; and the cure that seemed at the forefront only a few days back, is now just a seed of doubt, as to whether I’m going to make my shift at all…

Beating Bipolar – The Proof is in the Pudding… As long as there’s no Dairy!

Having hit over 500,000 people globally with my story to date, you may be tuning in expecting some solid answers!?!

That said, there are NO solid answers…

But I do feel for once in my life, like I’m almost beating the Bipolar at its own game, I’m on the path to happiness and although it’s still fraught with anxiety, mostly driven by peoples perception of me, or my own self doubt, I do feel that there’s a route through the tree’s and I’m beginning to see the variation in the different types of wood…

Does this mean I’ve got the cure, no, but it does mean that I’m building the mechanics.

If you’re new to my, sometimes seemingly ranty, blogs, then you should note that I was diagnosed with a bipolar disorder around 12 years ago and I tried medication for about 30 days, at which point, not able to string a sentence together by 3pm each day, I threw them in the bin, off the back of the consideration, that if I was going to deal with a ‘mental’ issue, then I should do it mentally and evolve my mind into functioning without any sort of suppressant…

12+ years and copious drugs and drinks binges later, I’m t-total on the drug front and am able to enjoy a beer for pleasure and not to the point where I’m debilitated by it…

So, what am I doing differently now, why do I feel such a dramatic shift at this point…?

  1. I quit doing the work that didn’t give me any enjoyment, I was running a company that had small profits doing everything for everyone and fundamentally that made me a busy fool, helping everyone but myself, while I drove my mental state into a hole, enveloped in the facade of a businessman on a roll…
  2. I stopped trying to help everyone and started initially just trying to help myself for a change. This doesn’t mean I simply shat on everyone who I thought might need help, I just started to be more realistic with my time and helped people passively with support and guidance, while I cut back on the 1-2-1 meetings where people just bleed you for business insights, that aid them financially and debilitate your time.
  3. I found what I loved to do and what I was good at… I realised that amidst the chaos of the companies that I’d created, there was an element that made me happy, the creative element surrounding clothing design and the clever thinking that meant less customers, better customer management, more money, meaning more sustainable and more time to just breathe… I went all Jerry Maguire!
  4. I started to look at the right opportunities… I found them and the chance to shape the future of a few British Brand’s and beyond…
  5. I decided that if you’re late, you’re late and that we don’t have to trample an old woman or a small child in London, just to get to a meeting (not that I ever would have Mum), we don’t have to arrive sweating… nothing in life is as important as the life that surrounds us and ebbs through us and with calm, comes respect and with respect, comes positive energy… I was 45 minutes late for a meeting yesterday, the traffic was bad, my partner was driving, my new son was in the back, I was changing nappies; I hadn’t eaten because of a string of meeting delays throughout the day and I made the mistake of having a Redbull and a Crunchie 10 minutes before hand, as I fought to get diesel off my hands; so, when I got in I said too much, I was a bit of an arse, I almost sunk the opportunity before it began and was thrown off kilter because the guy thought I had no integrity and I sat there and thought wait!?! This is not me… I’m the guy fighting the stigma of mental health, who’s not quite made it yet (in the traditional sense = £), in a posh suit with a cravat, trying to navigate through the last 3 wet wipes and his final nappy, with his son’s little bottom way too close to the double breasted cream waistcoat, as his fiance bombs around town like Colin McRae (pre-helicopter) to get us there on time and I sat back to breathe… And it was like being back at the start of the journey, when all I wanted to be was happy…

Everything we put on ourselves in life, is because of the cause and effect that we’ve seen on the way. We’re over zealous, we’re foolhardy, we stop thinking about others outside ourselves…

I constantly tell people we’re working to give ourselves back time, but what we never stop to realise, is that we are the keepers of our own time; if you didn’t finish your work, if you’re late to a meeting, if the guy cut in front on the tube… what happens?

You’re works not finished… But you’re not dead… You’re late to a meeting anyway, so why knock that child in front of you out of the way? You’re already late, be a human… The guy cut you up and jumped on the tube first, f**k it, the tube doors don’t close until we’re all on anyway, who cares, you’re still at the tube door…

Give yourself back the time, watch the rush as you know that you’re not in it… Watch the chefs through the window on the cobbled high street, on your way to work, taking in their fish in the morning, or doing their prep, as others rush past you, ignorant; look up, stand on walls, see the architecture and the colour, pull your umbrella to one side and just feel the rain… View everything from a different perspective and your time will be your own again…

And even if your boss spits negativity in your face as you arrive, you’ll know then, as I do, that you can close your eyes and bring those moments back… Back when you need them, back when you knuckle down…

If all you recall amongst the rumble this weekend is this; remember it’s ‘your’ time, ‘you’ are the keeper, ‘you’ are the leader, you are not a slave to it, you are not bound by it, you are free within it, to shape it and to shift it to your whim, to float above it and to breathe…

And do you know what, when you’re back in the room, the meeting just might turn out ok…

Bipolar Awesome Image

 

Bipolar Baby Days – Finally! The Secret to Operating with NO SLEEP!!

Well I’m so sorry to disappoint you but there is no secret to operating without sleep it’s bloody awful!!

I have to say though, since my last blog post The Vegan Within… Happy to Save The Cows, but I’m NOT Wearing Tie Dye… I feel on cloud 9 for the most part… (If we set aside the vanity of my industry and the drive for money above humanity…)

But nothing negative is going in this blog today!! You can’t stop this train!!

Having gone to bed exhausted after two days running around London off the back of limited sleep, I woke multiple times to consistent but sporadic crying, until, at around 3am, my partner Anna said that she’d take baby downstairs so I could sleep…

However, as soon as she went down my body went into reset and I was done! I have this issue that if I shut down even for an hour or so and something wakes me up, then with a relatively fast paced mind, it’s often almost impossible to get back to sleep.

So I thought, sod it, I’ve just got the consultancy contract of a lifetime, lets go and focus on that to make Friday a breeze, so I stuck on the old casuals after 2 days dressed like a posh lad, as there’s no need to wear tweed in my own home; and I hit the desk…

That said, my desk was an absolute bomb site over weeks and weeks of not really getting round to anything, so I took everything off, threw away everything that created the clutter and got rid of anything I thought was not worth looking at again in the context of my current hotel & retail projects, I then set about cleaning the desk down thoroughly, before spilling my morning coffee over everything on the desk and in part the floor… and then cleaning everything again, many elements on a case by case basis this time; not conducive to getting a head start on my workload as planned!

However, when you kick off at 3am, it appears irrelevant if you p*ss coffee everywhere, because it’s still oppressively early and operating as fast as I do (especially now I’m t-total and 50% vegan, on a base level) you’re still going to make a serious dent in whatever you set about achieving.

I didn’t get much work done so far to be honest, partly because my living room is now immaculately clean and partly because I sent a lengthy email trying to support a friend get work after being sh*t on for years, to the point I have had enough and being the well connected chap that I am I just want to get it sorted so the poor guy can breathe!

If you’re an employer and you’re reading this, do me a favour… don’t prejudice someone based on age, if they’ve got 10 years left in them and more contacts than god then you’re still going to keep them longer than one of these millennial x-factor generational tossers who only want you as a stepping stone to the next role they’ll doss about in before they shift again, as I’m now seeing on a daily basis.

Where the hell is the humanity or more importantly the general logic now days…?!

I’m not sure there’s much more to say in this short blog today, as I need a few bananas to keep a bit of mojo and if I start doing some work now, as it’s still only 6.22am, I can still do more than one of these youngsters in before the sun comes up…

So I leave you with this…

If your sat at your desk today and you take just 3 minutes out for me, to just think about your life, just 3 minutes; and as most people are only 40-60% work productive anyway I’m sure you can do that for me…

I want you to really think about yourself, who are you, what is your purpose, what do you want, are you happy? Don’t you just want to be happy?

Lets imagine I pay your bills for 3 months and you get to decide what your next step is…

If the only focus was to get up and be happy, are you currently where you were born to be?

If the answer is YES, if the answer is that you’re happy then go out there and I hope you absolutely smash your Friday and have a good time this weekend!

However, if the answer is NO… lets imagine everyone’s too self absorbed to care about you, or what you SHOULD be doing with your life (shouldn’t have to imagine too hard, just stand in central London at rush hour for 2 minutes to create that impression, that usually works for me… I’ll start again…

If the answer is NO, you’re not happy, or you’re not where you were born to be, or dreamed you would be at this stage in your life, then what can you do to change that… And where do you want to be in a year if you’re not mown down by a double-decker bus, or a white van man tomorrow?

I can now, finally, after 15 years of crap and anxiety; to the point of attempted suicide on multiple occasions, trying to fit into societal standards, tell you that if you take that 3 minutes or give yourself the luxury of more and focus on what YOU WANT for a change, rather than whether your boss has a bit more money and you have a bit less self esteem, then I promise you, I cross my heart… you’ll wake up tomorrow and next week will be a whole different ball game!!!

And to all the employers who are thinking it may be a good idea to burn my house down at this point, just remember, you had hopes one, so either let them go, with a pat on the back, or bloody well change your mentality and inspire them!!!

(***Disclaimer – Lets remember I woke up at 3am if we’re feeling a bit anal about any spelling mistakes this morning…)

Have an amazing Friday, to the 500,000+ people I’ve managed to reach so far, thank you for being that change in me, in a couple of months if I’m still feeling like this, then I may have just found a cure of manic depression and bipolar disorder… and there’s not a hint of lithium in my morning banana.

Have a listen of this on your way to work and lets doff the cap to Joe Esposito January 1938-November 2016

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The Vegan Within… Happy to Save The Cows, but I’m NOT Wearing Tie Dye…

So; I recently started trying to make myself more healthy, thus leading to me becoming more motivated and changing my ‘devil may care’ attitude to my body… Around a year ago I was told I’ve most likely had an eating disorder for a long time, because I’d be living off a combination of coffee, sugar, tobacco and beyond without actually consuming any food, sometimes until the evening around 7 or 8pm… NOT healthy!!

Meanwhile going around sharing my mental health story with over half a million people and trying to inspire others to change, but living a lie on the inside, my mental strength pushing me through the trauma I was putting my body through.

Now, I haven’t turned full hippy, because as Robert Downey Jr. would say, if you’re a fan of Tropic Thunder… “You don’t go full hippy!” but I’m certainly looking at how I can live a healthier lifestyle.

And, as I love adrenaline sports, motorbikes, skiing, climbing, martial arts and generally anything that requires a different type of skill level to the average human if you’re going to avoid potential for death, my thinking is, surely with a healthier approach to body dynamic, I can do more of the aforementioned ‘crazy’ stuff and elevate not only the pleasure in doing so, but the capacity for it as well…

My fiance is very into health and fitness and very well educated as a fitness instructor, dancer etc. so through her research and passively educating me in elements of veganism, when I’d listen, I came to learn that when an animal, like a cow or pig is slaughtered, they release hormones due to anxiety, these anxiety hormones are then trapped in our food as it’s processed and it travels into our bodies…

Now, this to me is a more tangible argument, than eating fruit that’s fallen from a tree because it died of natural causes (Notting Hill reference)! So I thought, hey, I’m not so married to the almighty steak that I can’t have a go at stopping and genuinely see whether it works for me.

Sausages and bacon I thought would be much harder, because I’m a connoisseur, but I’ve probably had one sausage and egg muffin from Pret in that period and I leveled it our with a vegetarian muffin so I covered my bases there.

And to my surprise and delight I’m feeling very very well indeed. I’m not having any aches or pains, I’m not tired all the time, sometimes annoying if you’re brains on a rain-man run; but, all in all, it’s really stabilised my mood and my relationship with food.

I’m eating regularly, I can count the amount of fast food I’ve had during this period using only 1 finger and I feel buoy’d by my progression.

I even had rice and veg for breakfast this morning, which may sound odd, but considering I’m a lifetime martial artist and Japan has the longest life expectancy in the world, it’s not as mad as you might think… Ironically they have the highest suicide rate in the world too, but that’s one for another blog…

My focus now is to improve on the feeble form that I’ve developed since letting myself slip and I will be religiously adhering to this little beauty of a workout Monday to Friday twice a day:

Indoor Cardio Workout

So… my challenge is still evolving and I’m not the end result I’m looking to achieve yet, but I’m there’s no medication, no drugs, no nicotine, barely any beer (lets not go mad) and a totally new respect for food and how I keep my legs working…

Prior to all this I was always going to ‘start tomorrow’, or on the 1st of next month, or in January and all that bullsh*t we tell ourselves so we never have to lift a finger… but in feeling sick at the man I’d become I don’t want to lie to myself any more…

I can handle failure, I can handle a leaner physique than Arny might adhere to, but I can’t handle not trying, not pushing myself… Before today if I failed it was down to my own laziness, my own ambiguity and frankly the times ticking… My son is here and it’s only a matter of time before he see’s who I’ve become and it’s not going to be that guy.

My life has a future now, but it’s driven by me, no more excuses and no more wasting it!

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention. To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, to draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.”

And if we save a bunch of cows along the way then so much the better!

cute-cow-FTR

 

 

Diversity: What is it that creates change? I’ll tell you…

I think the biggest issue that I see in the world today, is complacency…

We all get so carried away with what drives us as individuals, that we forget the bigger picture. We forget that if we “nip something in the bud” early then we often remedy the issue before it’s begun, but that complacency thwarts our efforts towards a greater good…

We see it every day in life as we do in business and it’s frustrating that the problems persist, because, that social angst that’s galvanised within us, it tell’s us that if we don’t follow format or protocol, that we won’t flow with the tide of society… but the tide of society isn’t there to support you, it’s there to keep you compliant, pushing money up the food chain and removing the soul you started with…

To be honest if you took a step back and watched even one of the two Lego movies, you’d see what people with a creative and free outlet are trying to tell us… And even Facebook, the bane of humanity, is trying to tell us, in it’s new social mechanic that our vanity is sucking the essence out of what life is all about. It won’t manage, because you still have to be stuck to a phone to see the message and if you’re stuck to a phone you don’t ‘get it’ as far as I’m concerned; hopefully in time people will drop the mobile… but as Clinton Cards would say, it’s the thought that counts!

We all need to sit up and think about our day to day. What do we do for a living, does that make us happy?

What is our drive as an individual? Money? Fame? Recognition in a given field? And in reality are any of those drivers bringing anything good to the world or are they just evolving our own vanity or self importance?

Gandhi would have given us a slap, if he’d not been a pacifist…

O.K. let me re-phrase…

Gandhi, would have lay down in front of us on the way to work and said, “You must be the change, that you want to see in the world” before he let us continue over the FTSE threshold…

I’m not saying lets all revolt and jack in our jobs, I’m saying think about every decision you make in life, on a base level and be honest as to whether that would lead to to Santa’s Naughty List or not.

Did you give the person the job because they went to the right school? Or because they were the most qualified?

Does the female CEO earn less because she doesn’t have the right appendage?

Did someone bring you a commercial opportunity you stole because you could, rather than fairly re-numerate them for, because that was the right thing to do?

Did you even look at the man on the street and consider where he came from, regardless of whether you had change or not? And if you had change, did you make the assumption (if you acknowledged him at all) that he’d spend it on drugs or alcohol?

We make thousands of decisions every week, some big, some minor, but they are all equal in their measure of ethics. You may not think that every decision requires that ethical root within our synapse, but practise makes perfect, I always say, and if we consider everything on a base level initially it becomes second nature eventually.

The moment I woke up and decided I’d focus more on what it was that made me happy every day, as opposed to what made me money or presented gravitas, was the moment my world changed forever…

I’ve made celebrities wealthy and been screwed, I’ve made companies fat and been screwed… but imaging how wealthy and fat they’d be if they’d not shafted me in these circumstances, how devoted I’d have been if they’d honoured my input as opposed to palming it off as their initiative…

I love it when you get a like on Facebook or LinkedIn from someone you know did you wrong, it’s those sycophantic individuals who will be worse off in the long term, because this train didn’t derail and it’s only gaining more stability and momentum… and sure, it pisses people off that I talk about a lot of this, but generally it’s the people who get pissed of that are dodgy in the first place, so that’s their hang up, not mine.

Lets look at the positives, as I work in the ‘Retail Industry’ it’s important at this point to mention River Island, who are leading the way in celebrating diversity in retail, with some beautiful children sporting their attire. (Their full ad can be seen here, though you may have to watch Taylor Swift promote something first #partoftheproblem)

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And just because it’s not been done before, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done again and again… there have been children with disabilities, as long as there have been children without, why do do we not just call them all children? Diversity wouldn’t be a word at all in this context, if we all just accepted that we’re equal as human beings.

My mother has always been involved with special needs as a teacher, so from a very young age I had children with Down Syndrome, Asperger’s, Autism, or Cerebral Palsy staying with us; or we were involved with their activity by default and do you know what the best bit is… There’s no bullshit… any individual condition like this is a humbling one; humbling for those who look on and humbling for those who suffer and it removes that veil of vanity that the rest of the world shrouds themselves in.

You don’t see kids with disabilities reaching for a selfie stick when a celeb pops up, because they live in the moment and they couldn’t care less whether they’re ‘cool by association’.

What happened with ‘Plus Size’ women being promoted in retail was far too late in my opinion, as I’ve been living with these women all my life, my sister has saved countless babies lives within the NHS, but was never celebrated on a billboard like a glamour model, who’d rather spend an evening with a mirror and a bag of powder… but she’s beautiful on every level that we should be celebrating…

River Island and those like them should be celebrated for making people think, of course their end gain is to generate revenue, that’s business, but they’re so big that they will make money anyway, so better to get off your arse and make a change in the world, otherwise we’re just selling clothes right? And whats the point in that, when you go to your grave if you don’t make a change that will impact perceptions…

I spoke to the CFO of Govia Thameslink Railway recently, an inspiring individual within another inspiring organisation…

Yes, I know we all hate how train companies molest our wallet on the way to London every day, but set that aside for a moment and consider that Govia are not just considering how they change things, they’re actively trying to solve fatalities on train-lines. A major issue for any rail company today and something that devastates me every time I hear it, I never grumble if I’m late for a meeting like everyone else in the carriage, I wonder who it was and what they had to go through to get to that point…

What Govia understand, is that there are a vast amount of homeless people, most suffering from some form of mental health issue, who throw themselves onto the tracks and end their lives. I’ve been on that track…

The general consensus within big train companies is that those who do this just want to be splashed about on the news; so they make a point, not to promote anything like this happening… fine, you don’t want to acknowledge the issue and you don’t want the PR because others might feel like doing it, thus leading to increased train delays… not sure how this helps the individuals but that’s your M.O. and you have a focus on running your trains on time, so you make more money.

Now, Govia are growing successfully (probably because they’re not only worried about the bottom line, they’ve got these ever so illusive business ethics) and what they do have ample of in this time of growth, is jobs, so they’re now connecting with the homeless that sleep along their tracks, or congregate around stations and they’re giving them opportunities for work, supporting them to achieve a future, and its bloody well working!

The biggest problem they now face is that because the homeless don’t have fixed accommodation, they can’t get a bank account, so where to they pay their wages? Because Govia are even willing to front wages in advance of work, to ensure secure and comfortable accommodation… but with such financial red tape surrounding this issue they also need support in executing their social give back…

What we need are some big boy property developers or housing companies, financial planners etc. to offer the homeless a solid digs for 6 months and some sort of saving strategy so they can establish a bank account, get themselves up and running and with the support of GTR get back into the world of the working and flourish.

This is how we make waves, and shame on people like big Phil Green, who suck up peoples pensions for another week on an overpriced boys toy in the Caribbean.

You may think it’s a risk to say something, or make some waves within your own organisation, maybe it is, but if it’s a risk making a change that may evolve someones life for the better, then are you really in the right place?

Have a think about your own ethics today… would your 10 year old self be proud? Or would the give you a slap?

Because this may just come across as a Bipolar Businessman making noise… but if ‘I’ give a shit and ‘you’ give a shit, then we might just become the change that we want to see in the world…

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The Fight…

The fight is like an endless struggle to keep your head above water…

It’s that yearning for the solace that never attends you…

The fight is pushing forward, through those holding you back,

That want to change, to bring change, to see change…

The fight is the 16 hour day and those 7 day weeks,

Tirelessly crawling towards the end gain…

The fight is within us, it goes on without us,

We are lost in it and consumed by it and it hurts as you find your place…

The fight is that pain that lets you know you you’re still alive,

As the bell rings and the water comes to your lips and you endure another round…

The fight is the peace that binds us, united in our focus,

For a life without fear or anxiety, for a life which simply offers more time…

The fight is my journey and your own, we travel this pace together,

And for those that quit before they met their ambition,

The fight does not salute their efforts, in implores them to readjust,

A thinking that’s deflated, can only be reborn or lost…

The fight is why I’ll be here tomorrow…

The fight in another day, a fresh approach…

The fight is my existence, with every promise it might eventually reveal,

I fight forward, to find calm, to find the happy, to envelope myself in my family and being,

The fight can be won, but what are you fighting for?

AVIVA, L&G, OTHER INSURERS, GO F**K YOURSELF! (NO INSURANCE FOR ANYONE WITH METAL HEALTH ISSUES?!)

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My apologies for the f**k, but I will ensure by the end of this blog you get why…

My blog and various magazine article over the last 18 months hit near 500,000+ people, hence my want to stand up to injustice and ‘spread the word’ on issues I see as a long term problem for our society.

As a responsible adult now, who’s son is due in February 2018, I recently set about doing all those adult bits & pieces where you get insurance, life cover, make a will etc. and generally attempt to fashion yourself as a real life adult!

It’s funny where you find issues with mental health practises and I knew there would be some hurdles insurance wise, but I was nowhere near ready for what I found!

I went through a broker (amazing and very good guy), because I knew that navigating insurance for someone with a form of bipolar was going to be interesting…

So, we went for income protection as part of our various considerations when getting insured…

As I run 2 x SME businesses and pay myself the minimum wage every year while my profits are re-invested in growth, I opted for the simplest income protection possible through AVIVA.

In the event that I was unable to work I would get a whacking £600 per month based on what I submit as earnings, but as a precautionary measure and with my fiance earning this was not a problem as hers was 3 times this.

It meant that I would be paying around £6 a month for however many years should I fall ill etc.

Now, because I have a form of bipolar disorder I was not accepted within 5 minutes like my fiance (a lovely Polish lady who came to the UK around 13 years ago), she sailed through and I was told that I had to speak to a registered mental health nurse to verify I wasn’t going to ‘top myself’

So I waited a few days etc. and eventually the debacle that was this verification phone call began…

Firstly while on the phone they asked me questions that I personally don’t feel that you should ask someone unless A) you know them very well, or, B) you’re 1-2-1 face to face with a medical professional and in the instance of C) questions you should just generally bloody avoid because it’s rude, patronising and invasive to any human!

Secondly, I had to ask the ‘registered mental health nurse’ who called me, why, as a medical professional, did she think it was OK to ask me these questions? They’d clearly been written by some ‘suit’ who doesn’t know his arse from his elbow when it comes to navigating questions surrounding mental health.

Anyway, long story short, did the call, told them they were a bit ridiculous but that I was a relatively successful businessman and had set up processes ans systems in my life to ensure that if I wasn’t on form every day I’d still do well as long as my cumulative month was more good than bad etc. so sort of a fail-safe business model.

Yesterday I get a letter from AVIVA telling me that I’ve been declined….. They will not offer me insurance on the basis that I have ANY mental health condition.

My broker called them and they said to him that, when he knew I had ANY form of mental health issue he should have denied my income protection insurance on the spot.

As a friend and confident he called L&G, they said that they also simply write off ANY mental health condition as un-insurable in the context of income protection! And they said this was standard across the industry!

Whats a f**king farse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So effectively the insurance industry are not going to support anyone with any form of mental health issue in a considered approach when it comes to their services like this.

How is that fair? There’s something seriously wrong here… You wouldn’t deny someone insurance on the basis of religion, sex, creed etc. so why this? And as a large organisation in that field their should be professional processes in place to ensure that anyone with mental health issues can get insured but on the basis of a strategy that looks after the business individual and the insurance company.

This is the sort of thing that should be set in stone by our government! There should be a bill of ethics that must be adhered to by ALL companies in the UK irrespective of their industry sector and every company should have a process of support for people with mental health issues etc.

So as an SME business leader with a reach that’s fairly sizable I have now, throughout multiple blogs, drawn on flaws in the mobile phone, banking and insurance industries that are simply issues surrounding best practise. 3 core areas that are necessary for any SME business or entrepreneur to survive.

If the big boys like AVIVA & L&G are telling my broker that he should categorically ‘WRITE OFF’  anyone with a mental health issue as it’s not worth the paperwork, then how do we support those who suffer and are perhaps vulnerable.

You might stop to consider that people who suffer as I do, are generally more loyal and devoted to those that support us, in every vein, so just like with The Bank of Dave in the sense of paying back their loans on time, I believe that there’s less business risk when you support someone, that when you shun them, I’m sure if this blog does hit half a million people as previous writings have, that someones going to come and kiss my arse a little to late…

But I really couldn’t care less about all that! What I want is the same as women in London want with wages, it shouldn’t even be a question of women to men pay-scale, it should be simply pay-scale on job description regardless of sex; in the same way as everyone looking to become insured and protect their family etc. should be graded as a human being who would like insurance and insurance companies should be asking how do we support them in that.

So today the morale of the story is:

  1. We’ve managed to verify that, as suspected, insurance companies, are, the arseholes we always thought they were…
  2. Teresa May, when you’re done trying to collect the remainder of the Dalmatians, before you further balls up Brexit negotiations, could you consider how you might actually do something valuable for our society and take these companies to task on their policies.
  3. What can we be doing as individuals to put more and more pressure on companies and our government to set in place a mental health mandate that every UK company has to stand by with terms on the basis of company size.

The more I find these issues within out society, the more lost I feel with the system we’re living in, I’ve been thinking a long while about moving out of the country; with one of my companies approaching up to half a million turnover next year and the other set to breech £350,000 annual turnover within the next 18-24 months, to earn my money from the UK and spend it while living overseas in another country may not make a dent, but if you piss off people with bigger businesses etc. the economy drops still further as lots of people begin to do the same.

I have a huge raft of friends who are moving overseas on their English wages and still earning long term in the UK, so proportionately there will be a huge volume of revenue that could, or would have been invested back in the UK, that’s now being siphoned out because you can’t give people here the peace of mind that anyone cares…

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Sleepless… But I’m definitely not in Seattle…

This is one of those moments where you really don’t know how to place yourself…

5:00AM – The extremities of my mind racing, recalling every little synapse it’s created; one thought leads to a spiderweb of others and it’s difficult to create clarity.

I really just want to sleep…

The thing is, my partner is pregnant and I don’t want to wake her with all my faffing about with covers; but I got hooked on a few memories and I’ve found it hard to shake them.

Que short rant then a story…

I’m not saying that I’m the perfect individual, on occasion I’m an arsehole, but I’m honest; I’m the guy who will stand back to let others off and on before me on a busy tube platform, because I understand that forcing my way past people doesn’t dictate whether I get on the train; when I see an old woman etc. I will ensure she has her bags carried where necessary… I may in fact have more legitimate bag carries under my belt than the guy who invented the concept to be honest… but I digress…

The point is, that I’m often an arsehole, as we all are from time to time, but I judge everything that I do on the basis of ethics, my internal compass; these could be things that may have a significant impact on my life, or they may just be something mundane, but when you suffer from extremities of thought, as I do, your whole life is built up around those decisions, because of how they make you feel…

Lets put this in context on a base level…

Your child is watching TV and you’re trying to have a conversation with a client, do you?

A) Tell them to shut up…

B) Carefully continue your conversation and pop some earphones on them without your client even knowing you lost focus…

It’s not even what you do as an end result, it’s what you feel. Why stress, keep your child and the client happy… Now the above is an obvious one, here’s another…

A few years ago I was working for a celeb startup that was struggling and as the Commercial Director I had to let some people go, something I’m used to from my time in telemarketing and sales over 12 years, so something I understand and am respectful of, having not been treated very well myself in the past…

Now, the last guy that I hired was my best friend, I’d worked on projects with him before and we’d hired him to work under me on some commercial projects, now I think we had to release around 4-5 staff at this point to save cash-flow and buy some time to make good, (makes me sick to think about people losing their jobs for “cash-flow” because the company frankly way over hired and it’s down to them to project what they can afford), anyway last in first out right….

So do you….

A) Fire your friend, knowing he would be financially screwed without a notice period…

B) Refuse to fire your friends and let the MD do it because it’s too personal…

Now, in choosing either you enter difficult territory, but we are programmed to accept one of these two fates, because this is happening to other people…

And where as you might feel a little bit guilty about either option in the friend scenario, I feel an extreme, almost adrenaline filled level of guilt, doubt and discomfort even with the notion of an ethically complex scenario.

So I threw the box out of the window… I didn’t want to do either of these things, so I called a meeting with the MD and I asked him if I could keep my friend and in return I would split my wages in half to pay for his, so it didn’t effect the company (who screwed me years later on another deal anyway) and he agreed to let my friend stay.

So, I told my friend about the situation the same day and I’d bought him enough time to go and find a full time role elsewhere, before the company was at the point they just let us all go…

The anxiety I have with these decisions or instances is buried deep within, which is the issue, when I think through certain life choices and in instances where I feel I’ve been ‘wronged’ in some way, I feel sick to my stomach for months or even years after an incident, because of the ethics involved.

Basically I just don’t think we should sh*t on one another, I think we should be honest and if someone helps us out, we should help them out… Wall-street are probably up in their office and I think they just spat their coffee all over the floor laughing at me…

Here’s a story…

I was working at a magazine publishing company, I won’t say who it was, but we produced magazines for companies like BA, Burberry, Wentworth Golf Club etc. so we were up there.

Now, I had a boss, we will call him JCJ; as I’m not familiar with the legalities of being honest about who’s a dick and who isn’t, online… This was around 2009…

I was working with JCJ for around 6-8 weeks in total and he’d asked me to look at the entirety of Sales & Marketing for the business and he really wanted to expand. My role was therefore aptly titled Head of Sales & Marketing.

How it works in publishing, or how it worked then, is that there’s one big boys club where you sit stagnant on a few million £ turnover, while the big publishers sit on their £60million+ and in the regular meetings for the Directors in the industry, the big boys will tell everyone across the ranks, who you can and can’t try and pitch for… The higher your turnover, the more sway, the lower the turnover, the less sway…

Totally rigging the industry in effect; so JCJ came back from these things regularly spitting fire, because he wasn’t able to grow without being really proactive, or highly political in his growth. They’d existed before my time on scraps from the big boys table and the dynamic for new business was just wrong.

So he hires a gunslinger like me to generate some revenue. The man you call in when you want to light a rocket up something. Which at this time was the main reason anyone would have hired me in as I was wearing a different hat to the one I wear today.

We established, that because our agency was around £2.7 million turnover at the time, that we could in fact shave somewhere up to 40% off the vanity costs that the big publishers were charging, by using consultants, outsourcing design elements, in specialist areas for the clients where necessary and we’d still make a lot of money.

So JCJ asked me to create a list of target magazines and start calling.

Totally legit! Love this stuff, as anything strategic and commercial excites me. Make a list, call them, find out when their contract runs out and book a meeting to discuss.

I created a list, as you do when you’re slightly efficient; I put together a list of every major publisher in the UK, every magazine that every publisher in the UK operated on contract and every marketing director or owner of a business attached to each magazine.

I then started calling them to have a chat, learn when their magazine renewal date was and I was booking meetings left right an centre to discuss our new industry approach. Everyone I spoke to was really excited about the fact that we were shaking things up. And i spoke to some of the biggest brand marketing directors in the UK, a lot of them.

JCJ was ecstatic… He loved all the meetings and was really excited about the rate of growth to come… (This is the sort of guy who’s blazé about cheating on his wife at Toni & Guy corporate parties and things, so you should have a picture of how a cock of the walk starts strutting round, it’s all his idea obviously at this point, so he’s on it!)

And, from my perspective I couldn’t care less who’s getting the credit, internally I’m loving the job and what I’ve achieved in such a short space of time.

But no!!!!! This is not a snow white story with any sort of happy ending…

Because shortly after we started to attend meetings and talk about saving people up to 40% of their current spend, the big boys got upset and JCJ received multiple phone calls, emails and legal letters from the big boys, stating that we can’t contact their clients in anyway, which was bullshit, because it’s a free country and they were in contract and are entitled to meet with anyone they like when that contract is coming to a close and they’re thinking next steps…

JCJ was then notified that he would ruin the industry and in no uncertain terms multiple people sent him cease and desist letters, as they said they didn’t want to ruin the margins in the market place.

Now, there was no law against what we’d done, but as it was explained to me by JCJ, they could spend a million £’s just to sink him in red tape, just because they could and he couldn’t fight them more like, oh crap, I’ve upset the pecking order and need to reassert myself) so he would have to stop growing the business like this.  He actually ended up getting some work from a few after that, so I suspect the situation was used as leverage to make a bit of extra money.

Anyway, JCJ leaves on holiday, I continue in my role for a day or two and after work one evening I’m in a pub garden with my colleague David (he was lovely so we can use his name), and I receive a phone call…

It’s JCJ and he’s pretty drunk and sun-burnt… His words were something like…. “look at you boy, you think you’re so fucking clever don’t you, you f**king c**t, you’re a f**king c**t, you’ve f**ked me you f**king c**t….” obviously still stinging from some of the backlash from his industry colleagues… I hung up, no one bullies me.

I’ve expelled the full text for your benefit, as it wasn’t nice at the time to be honest, so I suspect it’s not going to look the best in black and white.

I couldn’t really believe the situation. I felt sick and I had to carry on with my work for another week or so while he sat in paradise.

When he came back obviously everything had changed, I’d lost the respect that I had for him, in my personal opinion he just needed to grow a pair of balls and stand up to these guys, but as a relatively twisted individual he just started acting like a cancer to me.

He obviously fired me, on the Friday of the week of his return, no written warning, no notice, no nothing…. The commission on what I earn’t him during those 6-8 weeks in new business was around £60,000 which would have changed my life, but it’s a commission I clearly never got….

Would I deal with the situation the same now days? No, I would most definitely be taking him to court and he’d never have been able to get away with the way he treated me as a human being, an expendable and tarnish-able asset, useful for lining the nest but not enough to warrant any care…

The funny thing is, that I received a call about a year or so ago from JCJ and he tell’s me that a lot of business came off the back of my activity and he’s never had the same level since, so he says that he wants to meet me in a posh hotel in London to discuss doing a project together… you’ve gotta be intrigued at the ordacity at this point though, so I set the meeting amongst a day of other meetings and i went to see what he had to say.

It was slightly awkward from the start really, I naively thought that he’d seen my LinkedIn profile and understood I had a great deal more credibility than I did even when I worked with him before, but he was hoping for the same guy…

I explained what he’d said to me on the phone and obviously he had no recollection of it and put it down to being drunk, awkwardly trying to laugh it off. So I hear his pitch, I loved the industry and went away to prepare a structured but brief email explaining my fee for services requested etc. I used the excel margins marked with the #fuckoff symbol. Expecting that if he paid it that I may as well move into his house. But alas….

It appears he wants the younger version on peanuts, fundamentally just an insult with regards to my intellect at this point… And off he goes, never to be seen again; other than to run someone else’s big company for them… Great, let’s go breed that style of management and give him loads of creative staff to ruin, as he slate’s the boys and tries to screw the girls!!!!

There are 4 or 5 instances in my life where these moments still grate on me. Moments that infest themselves deep within, moments your life could have swung a different way, and I’ve been up since 5am living and re-living these moments, for some reason today…

I don’t want to seem bitter, or hard done by, everyone in life has their own cross to bear and I can’t moan on about missed opportunities as a means of excuse, I must persist to find the comfort-ability I seek. It just feels like a sham sometimes to turn on the smile, when you may have to really hang on for the ride, in getting through a bad day.

I wonder sometimes why people read this, am I narcissistic in some way, just on the basis of having a blog? Does that mean that I inwardly crave the vanity in life that I constantly chastise?

I don’t feel like any want, to sell my ethics out, even if it made me a richer man, I feel that I’m at a point in my life where if I’m not just honest with myself and other people with regards to where I am, then I may just wither and die; living in the false shell for so long has crippled my ability to shield myself the way I used to.

We look at life in stages, we incentivize ourselves in how we live and every day you see London brimming with the misled, those on their way to the hive, in pursuit of someone else’s honey… Someone they may never even get to see… Someone who considers them a statistic, a plot on a graph, a pie chart… No one want’s to be a pie chart, despite them being the more dynamic of the chart array available on excel.

On a serious note we could all be changing the society around us, if everyone just got up and said, “do you know what, no more bullshit, lets work together, let’s take ourselves to account for our misgivings and just try to be better people.”

Here’s a Friday challenge… I want you, if not bored of my explorations by now, to pinpoint one person during the course of your day; it’s the woman who needs help getting her buggy on the train, the girl in the office behind you, where you could have held the door, it’s your management team, because it’s often a darker place having to look after others well being all the time, it’s the IT guy who you may not offer coffee to when you make it for the team, that’s the guy who might care more about the moment, than the mugged offering.

Just do it, there’s no excuse, I’m not asking you to have your wisdom teeth out. I’m asking you to give a shit about life!

Three things will happen when you do this and I will guarantee all of the below…

  1. You will feel good…
  2. The person you help, or invest your time in, will also feel good…
  3. Everyone will feel good…

And surely that’s the point?

Side note: If the three things don’t happen, please assume you’re getting it wrong… and repeat with amendments… (Einsteins definition of insanity, was trying the same thing twice and expecting different results!)

The solution in my eyes to all the hurt we cause one another, is simply to shift mentality, start caring.

Just care about how you personally operate… Be honest with yourself and care about other people, this doesn’t make you weak, it just gives you a better sense of self, and this can only make you stronger and more confident in who you are as an individual.

It’s only in our compassion that we free ourselves… have a happy Friday!

 

Stigma! Constant stigma!

Why is it that when you let something go from within you, you still so often still feel burdened by stigma…

Probably because you’re generally judged by what you say or do if it’s unexpected. Or at very least, the aftermath goes to show that some people just can’t approach you again, because they don’t know what to say… Is that my hang up or theirs? How do I reach those people? Or should I just class that as the attrition within the world I’m working?

I attended an event that will remain nameless for the sake of the individual… But the mayor was present and he left at half time…

Now, there may have been some emergency etc. I can’t judge on that basis, as I don’t know the circumstance. However, in my humble opinion, if you’re the mayor and people want to change the way mental health is treated/perceived/supported in your town or city, then why on earth would you leave in the middle of an event designed to do just that?

Now, at this event my speech was just before half time and it’s safe to say I’m not 100% ‘PC’ lets say, so I swear and I am very honest and open and frankly highlight some elements of my life, for the greater good, that I really don’t want to revisit, in an effort to kick people into action faster and change how they live…

That said, I have felt sick since…

Part of me feels that he just didn’t appreciate how I managed my time on stage and was offended, my colleagues tell me not to put so much pressure on myself, but it’s really hard not to do so.

In my opinion if you’re not talking about mental health, or trying to help someone or trying to do something to make a change, then you should be in some small way, but the focus of my perhaps ‘not so P.C.’ approach is really to expose those elements of what I’ve been through, that no one in their right mind would want to share with anyone…

Because if I share the dark and disgusting elements of what I’ve been through then people may take more seriously how they approach education and looking after kids and students who need support.

This may be the same mayor that chastised me when I walked past the cricket blind during a match at the local club I sponsored over 3 years. If it is, perhaps he’s still miffed about the cricket? I hate cricket! So dull! Rugby & Football any day!

In reality it’s probably not anything to do with me, or how I spoke etc. though I gave a few dockside sailors a run for their money vocabulary wise, but it is very upsetting and frustrating to think that such a prominent figure left such an important event, so early.

How do we change perceptions, if our leaders can’t be bothered to sit through a couple of hours of discussion?

Already we find ourselves in a world where no one will invest heavily in researching how mental health issues come about!

People are happy to buy the band-aid or get you some free help etc. once you’re fucked… But there’s no research into a preventative…

And why?

Because the UK & USA make so much money flogging out drugs to people rather than working out how to mend them, that we are pushing water up hill trying to change our consumerist and capitalist culture, that ensures all anyone wants in their life if to consume, in every sense of the word and the focus is on profit…

But I promise you those profits won’t go anywhere near a guy like me who started in an ex-council estate house with no money.

The revenue will go to the top 1% of earners, the elitist and we can all break our backs so arseholes like Phillip Green can literally get away with whatever they want and ruin peoples lives… because someones palm, even in those times of bad press, will be greased to ensure no love is lost. He’s not knocking about in prison for screwing the little guy is he? No…

And Amazon employ enough people, so they pay 0% tax!! How does that help us in our current economy… Where do all these special measures go and who is the moron in government making these judgement calls. Why don’t big businesses pay more tax and SME’s get more support and funding?

I have no major education and half of them went to Eton et al, but I can still tell you that if we’ve got a company like Amazon, doing so much revenue, then we should tax them!! Hello!!!!!!! You should be taxing the high net worth companies regularly, not giving them a 100% tax break… in turn, Amazon are killing hundreds of businesses who manufacture products by hand, because they fast ship mass produced products immediately, making it harder for hand manufacturers to remain competitive online.

All we are doing as a a society, which is why no one wants to fight too hard, is fuelling the consumerist attitudes of our people.

I’m so sick of the superficial, if one more person jumps on the fact that I have a bipolar disorder at an event and tries to ‘neuro linguistically programme’ me into paying them for counselling I will scream.

If there’s anything I can spot a mile off, having done NLP training back when it was fashionable 12 years ago and reading Shakespeare from around 10/11 years old (and understanding it), then it’s a shoddy pitch.

Everyone thinks I have loads of money because people always announce me as a successful businessman, but ultimately I don’t have loads of money, everything I earn I re-invest in growth meaning that as much as it makes me feel I have no balls, my fiance is the sustainable bread winner and I’m working on our long term game.

The only reason you can call me successful is because I didn’t kill myself while trying to run a business with no help from anyone in the upper echelons.

Some people react well to my message because I try and offer more energy than the average sob story, and that’s very very exciting and really does change individuals or give them a bit of light; but some think that this is a glorified ‘rock star’ like parade where we love chatting about our deepest fears…

That’s just simply not the case…. I don’t get paid to come and share my fears with people, in fact I can barely afford the sodding petrol money to get there, because no one is paying me to share my story, no one is helping me run my business, no one invests money in someone with a mental health condition like mine, and mummy and daddy aren’t going to fund my success, so I have to graft it along and frankly the C.A.B, County Court, the major phone companies, like BT & Vodafone, my bank HSBC and every well funded major company that I’ve worked with in any way, have been screwing me for years…

And why do I persist….. Because the next entrepreneur that ends their life over these big businesses (the stalwart capitalists that don’t support, only drain us), will be on my head…

I have to make a difference while I have the strength in my body to do so, because there are thousands and thousands of entrepreneurs out there getting screwed and depressed by the man and every now and then someone has to step to the man and say no!

You may think I could be some sort of excitable conspiracy theorist here, but I’m not trying to convince you UFO’s exist.

I’m trying to convince you that big companies only care about money and that when you turn on any social media site all you see is the infamous selfie lot, who pout until their lips swell to the required degree…

X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent have helped us to develop a country of lazy adolescents who think they can just bang out a sob story and sing a song and they’re suddenly deserving of money forever without doing the real work.

It’s globalisation gone mad. We are programming our society to function like a raft of consumerist muppets, so why do we expect any different.

Every major organisation has an annual health and safety budget for example.

Parts should pay for health and part for safety.

There are 35,000,000 cases of lost time every year. Of this number only 20,000 cases are safety related, because that’s where all the money is spent, because it’s easy to give you a hard hat or rip-stop jeans, but a recorded 500,000+ is based on absences due to mental heath… And that’s only the recorded stat for people who were happy to be honest!!

The underlying statistic, is that around 50% of those 35,000,000 cases per annum are based on mental health issues…..

So when your company says they’ve got a health and safety budget, ask them how much they’re planning to spend on health and how much they’re planning to spend on safety and you’ll have some semblance of what situation we’re in here.

Until mental health and well being is a mandatory issue for acknowledgement within any major business; from the internal staff to the consumers or clients they represent/support, then we’re stuffed anyway!

This is my aim…. I’ve got a big mouth and more adrenaline than the majority you may have met and I will persist, frankly because everything in the above message is based on people avoiding the heart of the problem.

We are all trying in our own way to make a change, but if society continues to focus more on revenue and supporting brands who run the show, then we are stuck.

When will there be an end to selfie sticks? When will there be more psychological assessment done before plastic surgery can just be bought and administered… perhaps we can help people before they inject their face with poisons because their husband cheated on them, because in every paper or magazine there’s a set of great boobs trying to sell you something…

Where do we as a society expect ourselves to be in the years to come? Another posh labour leader who went to private school and has no idea about how the poor manage their lives…?

Another elitist Conservative government axing all the foreigners who genuinely want to work in 9 out of 10 cases?

One racist video about the NHS services tipped Brexit over the edge… that’s the state we’re in… the ignorant are breeding and the elite are abusing their ignorance, and it will go on until someone sticks their neck out and is actually honest!

But there’s a lot of money behind shutting us up… no one at the top of the food chain wants to really fund mental health study, because as I mentioned earlier in this blog, drug sales would drop drastically.

As someone with a form of bipolar disorder who’s functioned over 12 years or so since my diagnosis, without more than 30 days of medication, I believe there is a way to work around any form of mental health without the use of drugs, and doctors shouldn’t be commissioned to flog these drugs to unsuspecting depressed individuals…

Can you tell I spend a good few years advising top pharma companies? Haha

In essence I’m lost at this point… There must be a path, I’m too small fry to do it on my own because I am not a wealthy, private school diplomat, but in unifying our approach to ending this consumerist attitude, I believe that we could encourage a better understanding of our mental well-being as individuals and really make a change.

Capitalism worked for a while, until we fucked our society with it…

The problem is, what are you trying to achieve? House, car, kids, stable job, only to teach your kids to do the same in the respective order, then repeat? Whats the point? The guy who pays your wages is off getting life experience, or wasting opportunity that should be had by you…

Are we bringing anything to this planet if we follow the way of the suit, that from school upwards we’re programmed into, while the odd, or overbearingly different kids are cut out of the process and stuck in a separate area of a school, when they may just make the others a bit more dynamic if they’re integrated?

Whats your path? Do you want your kids to ask questions? Or do you want them pouting on social media, expecting Simon Cowell to give them a record deal, while the newspapers get racist and un-eductate the concept of acceptance and togetherness within them, until such point as they marry Kim Kardashian, or Jay-Z and become a complete arsehole, but an arsehole with lots of money, that has enough PR to create a whole raft of fresh 1% arseholes, while the remaining 99% of the kids that don’t make the grade, just work themselves into a clinically obese, or drug addled state because they don’t want to work and are burdened by the stigma of failure and expectation, as they fade and die?

I’m mean, maybe I’m really driving the knife home today but lets be fair, I don’t need to even provide you with evidence that this is the case… The evidence is already there…

What our children need is a sense of purpose… And that doesn’t mean forcing them to conform to the car, house, kids etc. it means setting them free and teaching them the reality of the world we’re losing because of that attitude. Letting them make their own choices and support those, even if you’re not comfortable with what you expected…

We have the ability to craft our society and we’re letting the 1% do it for us. They dictate the budget, they dictate the curriculum, they dictate how our young minds are governed and examined, what’s normal, what doesn’t fit in the box…

But we have 99% of the population, outside the elite, and there’s strength in numbers!

Have a think and make a change… I’m with you… And together, unified, as it should be, we can slowly shift the tempo…